The Hunters' Journals
by MetallicarLove14
Summary: Sam and Dean's take on everything from rules to cliches and songs, and everything in between. Some sad, most funny, and varying in ages. Cowritten with my friend who does Dean's POV, while I do Sam's. Enjoy.
1. Car rules

Ten Rules of the Road to follow by: Dean addition

1.) The _only_ one who gets to _**ever**_ drive the Impala is Dean. No Sammy is allowed to even start the car unless Dean dies.

That means that no matter how much Sam thinks its his turn to drive, it'll never happen (even in Sam's wildest dreams)

2.) Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole.

Yep, you heard me. You will have to put up with the music whether you like it or not. Metallica rules over Sam's sissy, eclectic music that sounds like some teeny-bopper phase.

3.) If Sam falls asleep in the car whilst Dean is driving, and finds a spoon (or any object), Sam will be the target of ridicule.

4.) No driving while near hillbilly semi drivers who are possessed.

5.) If Sam argues with Dean while in the car, Dean always wins. No exceptions

If Sam does argues and pisses Dean off enough, Sam will get kicked out of the car and have to find his own way around. Which means walking or trying to have the possessed hillbilly pick him up.. or Meg.

6.) Only driver can sing.

Sam is tone deaf.

7.) Dean is never smashing the windows ever again. Even if Dean is angry.

The cost in repairing everything is so much money.

8.) No getting blood on the seats

9.) Driver picks next destination for eating.

If it is on a Tuesday, its Pig N a Poke day.

Last but not least

10.) The Impala is Dean's. Not Sam's

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Ten Rules of the Road to follow by: Sam addition

1.) Okay first of all, Sam has driven the Impala plenty of times, because Dean is usually A) Passed out because he's piss drunk or B) In the backseat. I don't need to explain that one.

2.) Shotgun doesn't care about the music. Dean's got a freakish fetish with it, however.

P.S. Sam's music is just as good as Dean's, probably even better, and at least they haven't heard it 8 MILLION TIMES.

3.) If Sam falls asleep in the car whilst Dean is driving and finds a spoon (or any object), Dean will be the target of Sam's .45.

4.) Dude, that was an accident. Let it go.

5.) When Sam and Dean argue in the car, it usually is Dean who finds a way out of it by turning up his music to ridiculously loud levels, that would kill any normal person or make their head explode or something.

If Dean tried to kick Sam out of the car and make him walk, Sam would very much be inclined to literally kick Dean out of the car. While it's in motion.

6.) The driver may think he can sing, but really it scares the children.

7.) Ha. Anger management issues, much?

8.) No getting any other bodily fluids on the seats, either. Jeez. Find a room.

9.) I never want to hear the words 'Pig N a Poke' as long as I live. And I fricking hate Tuesdays. And Wednesdays.

10.) The Impala is in fact Dean's, (John's freaking favorite,) However, Sam could care less.


	2. Clichés: Dean

Dean's Take on Clichés

Its not over til the fat lady sings - I'm not too sure I really want to hear a fat lady sing. I don't really think I even want to see one. If its not over, does that still mean she's going to sing? I mean, I've finished a lot of things and there's never been a fat lady singing.

You can't have your cake and eat it too - Then what is the point of the cake? Its not fun to sit there just and stare at the cake. My stomach will still be grumbling.

You're going to drive me to an early grave - So what's really the point in that? Come on, there's so many explanations there. If the funeral is early, does that mean I have to drive you there? We may get there late so technically that can't really happen.

Love conquers all - Does hate defeat the purpose?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away - I don't eat apples... And I haven't seen the doctor lately. Liars!

You've made your bed and now you have to lie in it - If I didn't make my bed, would I still have to lie in it?

Its raining cats and dogs - Imagine going outside when its raining. Ouch.

Happy as a clam - Clams have feelings? I wouldn't be happy as a clam because I'd get eaten soon. And if i wasn't and I had a pearl, it'd end up being sold.

Quiet as a mouse - If mice are so quiet, then why do people call the exterminator on them?

Be careful what you wish for - Okay, I'll make sure next time I wish upon that star.


	3. Sam Wonders

15 Things I've Always Wondered about my Family: By Sam Winchester

1) Why couldn't we get a dog, again?

2) Why does Dean feel the need to prove himself to be "strong" or "manly" any chance he gets? I think, it's because he's insecure.

3) What did dad have against education? I'm sure some scholar somewhere was a hunter.

4) Why did dad and Dean act like carbon copies of each other? I think it was to make me feel left out. Think about it, they had the same hairstyle, same taste in music, same love of that damned car... it's a little creepy actually because the list goes on.

5) Why does Dean feel the need to embarrass me all the time? Again, I think it's because he's insecure (and a little jealous.)

6) Why didn't I get a car for my 18th birthday? (All I got was pneumonia.)

7) Why don't we ever hunt in Florida? I mean seriously, people die there all the time, yet we never hunt there. I'm sure there's gotta be a job where I can shoot the ghost, and then go hang out at the beach.

8) What is my family's obsession with the phrase, 'son-of-a-bitch?' Is it some like, secret code phrase, kinda like funkytown? And if it is, why wasn't I notified?

9) Why is mine and Dean's secret code phrase funkytown?

10) If we want to be inconspicuous, why don't we have a quieter car? I mean, you can hear that thing coming from a mile away.

11) Why weren't we ever allowed to talk about mom growing up, shouldn't we honor her memory instead of suppressing it?

12) Why was I the only one who got the 'good-looking' genes in the family?

13) Who died and made us saviors of the world?

14) Why do demons tend to kill other people really fast, but sit and monologue to our family for an hour before trying to kill us. Because by that time, we've already figured a way out.

15) Does anybody else find it creepy and ironic that we're 'Winchesters' like the rifle? Cause I do.


	4. Rules for Dealing with the Opposite Sex

Top 5 Rules of Dealing with the Opposite Sex: By Sam Winchester.

1) Although he had to put up with, when he was eleven years old, Dean trying to give him 'the talk,' Sam pretty much ignored everything he learned, because Dean's talk was given by a playboy magazine. In conclusion, this rule states: DO NOT EVER take Dean's advice while on a date.

2) When dealing with the opposite sex, one must never try to get into her pants by using a stupid, out of date, pick up line that would make any self respecting girl cringe in embarassment... for the guy. So in conclusion, this rule states: No pick up lines, just be yourself.

3) Look into her eyes. Not her breasts.

4) Take her somewhere nice, even if it costs a little more. It's not like we use our own money anyways.

5) Last, but certainly not least, and most possibly the most important rule for dealing with the opposite sex is this: Never, ever assume that just because they're hot, no matter how drunk you are or they are, that they actually want to have sex with you. You'll end up with a black eye, and possibly might not ever be able to reproduce.

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Top 5 Rules of Dealing with the Opposite Sex: By Dean Winchester

1) Dean learned _some _ways of learning advice from a playboy magazine. Telling this to Sam was sure fun to do, seeing as how it confused the young one and left him wondering exactly why women did have breasts and another region. However, learn from experience, confuse your brother, and you'll do fine.

2) When dealing with the opposite sex, you can tell from her body language if she really wants it or not. The pickup lines Sam has heard are just fragments of what is true. Dean has far better pickup lines, he just doesn't want Sam to steal them. That wouldn't be the right thing to do. Plus, humor is always a plus.

3) Its not my fault the breasts are too distracting. She'll need a breast reduction or cover them so you can look into her eyes. Plus, it is like an extra set of eyes right there so technically, you're still looking at them.

4) Sometimes, taking a girl somewhere nice isn't always the best place and will actually make her feel cheap by looking at the prices. A diner is usually modest and actually has a nice environment to converse in. Yes the guy does pay, unless he forgets his wallet. Then, he'll make it up to her a "different way."

5) Last but not least, the most important rule of the opposite sex is: Women, a lot of the time do tend to be hot, but by using your clever charm, and smirk, you are sure to get by and grab their attention.


End file.
